The Fear of Writing

Three years ago I discovered I enjoy writing stories. I love thinking of plots, characters and locations for different stories. I occasionally have little movies playing in my head of stories I want to write. I have a bit of an issue though, I still haven't wrote a book from start to finish yet. I think it might have to do with my fear of writing. It might sound stupid, but from some research I've done, many writers feel this way too, which makes me feel better knowing that I'm not alone. 

"If we had to say what writing is, we would have to define it essentially as an act of courage." - Cynthia Ozick

Inside my closet there is a shoe box filled with papers of notes for all the story ideas I had over the past three years. Actually even ideas I had when I was younger, things that remained in my brain. Every time I look at these notes, I want to pick one and start writing, but once I'm sitting in from of my computer my mind goes blank and I just can't write anything. The blank screen is so daunting to look at. 

"By writing much, one learns to write well." - Robert Southey

I figured it might be of three things that scare me; people knowing too much about me from my writing, negative thoughts in my head telling me I'm not good enough, and being rejected by a reader or publisher. 

                                           "Writing is thinking on paper." - William Zinsser

They say when you write, you leave a bit of your soul and personality inside your writing. Maybe I'm afraid that people will learn too much about me through my writing. Having people know what is going on inside your head is terrifying, you won't be able to have any secrets. 

"Close the door. Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer." - Barbara Kingsolver

I've always been very negative when I think about myself. I think it has to do with having a low self esteem. All my life I was like this and I'm not sure if it will ever change. But for my writing it discourages me from typing or writing anything. I think, "why would anyone want to read what I have to say? I'm dull and have no unique ideas." I'm hoping that by writing this and sharing this with everyone, it might help me to open up and start writing, for real now. And not just scribble notes in my notebook. 

"Each time you write something, part of you grows. You're training your artistic muscles to find your voice." - Pen Densham 

I've always had this dream of becoming famous and being a well known author. It's a dream that everyone has, most likely. I would love to have a book of mine become like, J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter) or Suzanne Collins (The Hunger Games) or Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson and the Olympians). But before all that you need a publisher to read your manuscript. Even before that you need to have a book written, so this is a fear that I'm just over thinking it. 

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." - Mark Twain

Along discovering I enjoy writing, I also discovered I'm afraid of it. I'm hoping that writing this blog post will be the start of my writing journey. 

                               "The secret of getting ahead is getting started." - Agatha Christie